Carry On.

Let's go back to blogging since it's easier to let my thoughts out.

High school life has ended and now I'm in college. I'm going to experience so many new and different circumstances, but the toughest part is realizing that all of my friends are separated in varying universities and countries.

I'm not sure what I'm feeling because it wasn't difficult adjusting to my first day of classes, and it wasn't troublesome opening my mouth to speak and make new friends. (cue the voice in my head that says "You were so socially awkward that it all couldn't fit and overflowed from the cup, making you able to actually form sentences.") But I'm not sure if I can relax myself enough to fall into some sort of comfort zone. I miss my class. A lot. We were weird and loud together. We had the funnest inside jokes no one would ever think of. We made things funny when they weren't. We even did some crazy stuff like performing on stage after only a day's practice. Twice.

I came on here wanting to write so many things, but now I'm just at a loss for words. College is fun, don't get me wrong. I think my lecturers are really funny and everything is not as stressful as it used to be. There's tons of activities and I made my schedule pretty relaxing. But how do I put this, it's like there's a missing link, a connection that's not there. I'm not sure if I can get it in just this one year. And then I'll have to repeat exactly this again when I go over the oceans to the other side of the world.

Honestly from the bottom of my heart, growing old doesn't mean I actually grow up because I don't feel it. Maybe not yet, maybe not ever. Maybe I'll spend the rest of my life being placed out of my comfort zone. I'll be spending my days trying to catch up to the change that's going on around me.

It's not as saddening as it sounds, it's just when I think deep, I think lots. Change is exciting. Kind of. At least I know I'm braver than a persona who chooses a college based on where their friend(s) is/are going. And at the end of the day, I think I'm pretty courageous. Even if it's just a tiny speck, it's a start. On a side note, I attend the 'college with no sunlight', so I can hopefully lose this tan.

Just gotta keep telling myself; it gets better.

chill out, what'ya yellin' for.

games carnival starts soon. oh nooo.
that means less time to interhouse dance. oh nooo.
Yayy, Ailee!
I'm in love with ToFebruary, omg. Everything is gorgeous.
junkie4jonas. lolol. waiting for my 3 boys to perform again. together. :')

keep holding on

I'M SO HAPPY.
AVRIL WAS SO LOVELY.
AND SO SO PRETTY.
AND HER VOICE WAS FLAWLESS.
AND THE BAND WAS INCREDIBLE.
February 18th has been the best.
I'm overjoyed and filled with amazement.
I love being a Black Star.
Had Nab, Ash and Shen with me to enjoy it. :')
Got to the front, got to use my camera, got photos and videos, got a shirt, badge and tag.
One of the greatest memories of my life. <3

i don't know what happened to all my friends.
i don't know who they've become now.
or maybe i'm the one who has changed.

The amount of love my dad has for my mom makes me cry.
I want a happy ending too.

hollywood

#
Pursue something where I won't have to depend on people who aren't there for me.

i will be

Only about two more weeks to watching Avril Lavigne! : )
Happy happy.
Today was a wonderful day.
HAPPY FIRST OF FEBRUARY!
I wish we had more days off like this.

marry me today

slipped away

I CAN'T BELIEVE I SPENT SO MUCH MONEY.
H8. So very much.
Stupid self. This is why I dislike money.
Makes me confused.
I always prevent myself from using any money in school or to shop.
Then "Oh, let's go buy a new CNY dress."
Then spend about RM600. ASUGRG.
-
I still want that green and orange Avril Lavigne shirt.
hate hate hate
But that would be another 70 ringgit. :|
Why would I need four of the same shirts?
SNAP OUT OF IT, STUPID SELF!

To whom it may concern,

How should I put this...

If you're going to act differently depending on where you are, preaching one place and being horrible somewhere else, you're better off being horrible everywhere you go. Makes life so much easier for everyone else, you know?

To whom it may concern,
I used to look up to you very, very much.
The way you presented yourself and addressed others, whether or not you knew them. Now, I can't have a greater dislike for who you are and what you've become. The extent has already passed the dislike line and started pouring over the edge to I-don't-even-want-to-be-your-acquantaince category. I could care less about you, but it's saddening to witness a change this large. Wow, if I could be as flimsy as you, I would never have the pride to live with myself and the actions I've done.

To whom it may concern,
Thank you for being here for me.
I am thankful that I can have you around right now. Even if you might not be around for me when this year ends, and if we never see or talk to each other again in my life, I can live life happily knowing that I had someone like you to count on. Because I know despite all the times when you might be a pushover or irritating and annoying, you're only doing it because it's in your nature and changing your character might not be so easy. But that's a good thing, because sometimes change might make you become what you hate. And who would want to turn into something they've always disliked?

talk talk talk

People who used to be really close friends have drifted so far away.
And I've no mood to bother keeping up the relationship when we have nothing in common.
That's like having an extra burden of work for no good reason.
Perhaps one day in this world I'll find someone who shares the same interests as me.
And if not, I'm perfectly fine pursuing my interests even if I have to grow up slightly less social than most other people.
-
I definitely entered this world a few years too late.